yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
