five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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