do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
