my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
