so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
