I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
