Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
