Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
