If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
