So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
