College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
