So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
