where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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