ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
