My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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