youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
