I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
