My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
