i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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