wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
