I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
