Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
