So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
