Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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