TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
