what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He has the fingertips of a God
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