We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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