i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
