you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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