Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
