Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
