matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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