I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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