so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
