Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
