i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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