I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
