fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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