remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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