I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
