I feel like abortions should bother me more
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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