Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
