you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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