No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
