i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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