Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
