At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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