definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
