meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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