so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
