hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
