He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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