did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
