I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
