I faked an abortion last night.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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