I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were trust falling into bushes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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